Grammar · idea
Past tense isn’t about time. It’s about distance
One mental model that explains “could you”, “I was wondering”, and half of English politeness.
Why does could you help me sound softer than can you help me? Nothing about the request is in the past. The answer unlocks a surprising amount of English: the past tense marks distance, and time is only one kind of distance.
01 · Three kinds of distance
Distance in time: I walked to school. Distance in reality: If I won the lottery… Distance in social space: I wanted to ask you something. Same tense, three jobs — all of them about stepping back.
02 · Why this helps you
Once you see distance, politeness stops being a list of magic phrases to memorise. Would, could, was hoping, wanted to ask — they are all the same move: stepping back to give the listener room to say no.
03 · Try it today
Take one direct request you make often and step it back: Can I get… → Could I get… Notice how the temperature changes. That is grammar doing social work — and it is very much on the exam.